Again, if you don’t know what the heck is going on by now, you might be tuning in to the wrong channel.
Bach in bed. Sweating and dreaming. Not about you might expect, you pervs! But about the creepy pagan kid from the previous episode. He wakes up all shaky. In her bedroom, Mary wake up to find the creepy pagan kid’s necklace. Spooky. Meanwhile, Olivia is stalking Francis and making herself available.
Then, all the folks at the castle run outside to welcome the King, who is returning from Paris. Evil Mommy Queen is bitching Olivia for not being a bigger whore and getting Francis in her bed faster. Weird conversation to have with your intended mother-in-law. But I was more distracted by the fake background. WTF was that about?
After some forgettable talk with Kenna about how the King had gone to Paris to end things with Diane (yeah, right…), Mary goes to Bash cuz they need to discuss what happened, i.e., the hot kiss by the lake. Instead of talking about the important stuff, i.e., the hot kiss by the lake, they end up talking about how Francis is being distant. Really? WTF? Bash is all like “why are you telling me this?” and Mary is all like “because of the necklace, duh!”. So… Mary thinks Bash sneaked into her room while she was sleeping and, instead of waking her up and kissing the headbands out of her, he just left her a necklace. Right. Oh, and by the way, didn’t a guy just broke into her bedroom like a month ago to rape her? Shouldn’t she have at least a guard standing by her door? Who is in charge of the castle’s security? He should be either fired or beheaded. When Mary shows Bash the necklace, he becomes serious, but Mary ruins the moment by going to Francis.
The carriage opens it’s doors and… knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s the King and Diane. Leaving Kenna babbling like an idiot. Ha!
While everyone else departs, out little love triangle gathers for some awkward conversation. Bash explains how he owes the pagans for interrupting their blood sacrifices and they demand he chooses someone to kill or they’ll choose for him. Francis is all gloomy cuz the pagans know harming Mary will hurt Bash. So if the pagans know, it’s only a matter of days till the whole castle know about the love triangle. The plot thickens, you guys. And he says he’ll place a guard outside her room. Really? NOW you think about that? Our trio then embarks in some Sherlock-Holming of their own, investigating and questioning the servants.
While Mary’s life is threatened again, Kenna storms the King’s room demanding to know why the heck Diane is back in the castle. Really good to know that her lady in waiting has her head in the important things. But Bash is worried about all this pagan shenanigans. So, he asks mommy dearest about it. Mommy used to worship with the pagans. And mommy is worried that if the people at the castle learn about her past, they’ll burn her and Bash as heretics. And… that Bash is living there because of his father and, someday in the future, because of Francis. So it ain’t such a hot idea to be playing with Francis’s toys, i.e., Mary.
Mary has a rude awakening. A dead stag’s head in hanging above her head. Honestly, is it that easy to get into her room? Francis asks Bash to put an end to all of this. But Bash is reluctant. Come on! Who wouldn’t be. He has to choose someone, drag him/her to the woods, hang him by the feet and slit his throat. Nice. Francis doesn’t even blink. Queen Katherine walks into Mary’s room and after a lot of fussing, she is clued into the whole pagan thingy. Mary offers a truce so they can both work together to put an end to this pagan uprising. The Queen just walks past her. Was that a yes?
While Mary is being threatened (yet again), her ladies in waiting decide to have a tea party to celebrate that Kenna is the new “official” mistress to the King. Can someone please shoot these 4 idiots already? Or, better yet, Bash…. here you have 4 girls to sacrifice. Just pick one and be done with it.
In the throne room, the Queens bitches about the state of a guard’s uniform, while she and Mary wait for the servants to come in and question them (apparently, it was a yes). Mary tries to be nice to the help. When she fails, the Queen takes over and threatens to burn the staff’s houses if they don’t come up with some intel. So they are playing good cop, bad cop.
In the dungeons, Bash pays off the jailer to hand him a thief. Guess he’s made his choice, and it ain’t one the airheads. Damn!
Kenna goes all jealous with Henry cuz there are some HD tiles in his bedroom (Henry + Diane. Get it?). I don’t understand how he puts up with her.
Back with Bash, who is riding in the forest with his would-be- sacrifice.
Fireworks outside the castle. The girls are all “oh” and “ah”, while Kenna babbles non-stop about the whole tile debacle. Lola tells her to shut up (finally). But no, it’s just so she can come and see something out the window. The King has written her name in big, burning candles. So corny.
Mary and Francis aren’t enjoying the fireworks. He tells her about Bash abducting a prisoner. They are both horrified. Really? Francis, you were all for it like, 15 minutes ago… Mary says Bash wouldn’t kill the dude. Francis is all “yeah! he would for you”! Francis starts his jealous ramble: who he knew Bash liked Mary, but didn’t know how deep his feelings went, how he saw them kissing, how he warned him about life at court… blah, blah, blah. No mention of Olivia, though.
Almost midnight, the guard with the sloppy uniform lets a servant into the Queen’s chamber. Finally! Some intel. The young girl wants some privacy and when the guard exits the room, she spills that she saw a guard take the stag’s head from the kitchen. She ain’t very specific about the guard. Damn! Not very helpful, but some exposition later, the Queen guesses who must have been: the guard with the dirty uniform. Crap! he was just here and now he’s run off!
Back in the woods, Bash hangs a rope from a tree and tells the prisoner to tie it around his ankles. The prisoner begs and cries and Bash tells him to say his prayers. There’s still time, we are waiting for an audience. Cold. A dark figure approaches. Bash asks him if killing anyone will pay his blood debt. The figure says that any human life will do. “Then I choose you”, says Bash, who apparently read the fine print in this whole mess. Fight scene. The pagan yells that Bash is betraying his people, his family, cuz pagan blood runs through his veins. Bash doesn’t care and kills the dude, who tell him that now the blood lust is in him.
Kenna goes into the King’s room to see workmen replacing the offending tiles. Score for Team Kenna. Cut to King Henry going into Diane’s cottage in just his robe. Remove those points for Team Kenna ASAP!
Mary is in her room, all depressed and tired, talking to her maid, when the girl extends her hand and… damn! She has the evil necklace’s mark on her hand. Pagan! They threaten each other with pointy things until Mary’s guards come into the room to save her.
Morning. Bash and the prisoner ride side by side. The prisoner is so happy to be breathing still that he is talking non-stop. Never a good idea. He reveals he knows who Bash and his mother are. Bash pushes the poor schmuck off a cliff. Bash has gone to the dark side, y’all!
When Francis is telling Mary about the maid and the guard who will be questioned and burned as heretics, Bash arrives and tells Mary she’ll now be safe, cuz he has paid his debt. “Oh, no! What have you done?”. Mary is that stupid.
Francis decides to ruin Bash’s “hero” moment with a hissy fit, and after saying a lot of crap and threatening Bash along the way, he tells Mary that they “should see other people” (such a douche). You might think “hell, yeah! This means Mary is free to get it on with the sexy bastard brother!”. But, no. Francis tells her to be with anyone, except his brother. Such a spoil sport. He goes straight for Olivia, who is easier than the alphabet.
The tow pagans are being burnt alive. Mary watches. So do Bash and his heretic mommy, who talk about some cryptic stuff.
Two very important things: there were no parties in this episode. None. And the episode didn’t end with people staring off into the water. Say it with me: OH MY GOOOOD!!!!
